There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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