Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
