Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
