Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
