official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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