Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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