No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
