There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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