you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
