Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
