I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
