I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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