So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I deserve this hangover.
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