Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
