come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
