Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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