I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
