He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
