He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
