the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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