Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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