I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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