***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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