I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
