All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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