At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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