He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
