Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
