I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
