So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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