I cockslap morals
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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