Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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