She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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