a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
