Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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