i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
