I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
