I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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