I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
