I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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