we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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