my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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