so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
