If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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