big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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