Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
