i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
