she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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