the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
