I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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