You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We need a shit load of segways right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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