I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
